From ff631b9515ccf77dff804e0dcd519efc93eae040 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Julian Blake Kongslie Date: Tue, 30 Jul 2013 22:26:40 -0700 Subject: Reflowing text, and minor editing. --- oneshots/punishment.mdwn | 102 ++++++++++++++++++++++++----------------------- 1 file changed, 52 insertions(+), 50 deletions(-) diff --git a/oneshots/punishment.mdwn b/oneshots/punishment.mdwn index 32f0387..0e48c8c 100644 --- a/oneshots/punishment.mdwn +++ b/oneshots/punishment.mdwn @@ -10,9 +10,9 @@ And of course he'd gotten caught. Now Professor McGonagall was dragging him off to who-knows-where and by this time tomorrow he'd be back at the Dursley's. All of a sudden, the thought occurred to Harry: This isn't fair! He'd been -defending a classmate from a bully, and Professor McGonagall hadn't even let him -or his housemates defend his actions! Harry made up his mind then and there; -whatever punishment he was assigned, he would fight. +defending a classmate from a bully, and Professor McGonagall hadn't even let +him or his housemates defend his actions! Harry made up his mind then and +there; whatever punishment he was assigned, he would fight. If they kicked him out, then maybe that would be okay. At least living with the Dursleys didn't involve everyone staring at his forehead all the time and @@ -41,8 +41,8 @@ Professor describe (he assumed mockingly) his first attempt at flying. Again his thoughts were interrupted, this time by Wood. After a brief interrogation -- no, he *obviously* had never heard of Quidditch before -- and -it appeared a decision was made. Harry was to be a Seeker for Wood on some sport -team, and he was to train hard, or McGonagall would consider additional +it appeared a decision was made. Harry was to be a Seeker for Wood on some +sport team, and he was to train hard, or McGonagall would consider additional punishment. An indefinite sentence, at least the whole year, from what he could gather. For @@ -50,9 +50,9 @@ trying to help one of his housemates, the people he was supposed to think of as family. Handed down by the head of that same house, with no opportunity for him to even defend his actions. -As Professor McGonagall walked away, she said something about how he should make -his father proud. Harry didn't listen; he preferred to believe that his father -would've wanted him to defend a classmate and would not have wanted him +As Professor McGonagall walked away, she said something about how he should +make his father proud. Harry didn't listen; he preferred to believe that his +father would've wanted him to defend a classmate and would not have wanted him punished. It never even occurred to him that the Professor felt the same way.
@@ -83,8 +83,8 @@ Muggles?" "Ha! That'll teach you to go up against your betters, Potter!" -Ron, his face red with anger, jumped up from his seat and yelled, "Well at least -Gryffindors aren't too cowardly to fight our own battles!" +Ron, his face red with anger, jumped up from his seat and yelled, "Well at +least Gryffindors aren't too cowardly to fight our own battles!" "I'd take you on anytime on my own. Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel, midnight, in the trophy room. Who's your second, Weasley?" @@ -106,22 +106,22 @@ Malfoy glanced briefly at Crabbe and Goyle, then decided, "Crabbe," and walked back to his table. After Malfoy and his cronies had left, Ron just stared at Harry across the table. -"I'm sorry Ron, but I really can't afford to get in any more trouble, especially -not tonight." +"I'm sorry Ron, but I really can't afford to get in any more trouble, +especially not tonight." "Hmph. Some best mate you are." With that remark, Ron directed his gaze down to his food, and refused to look up again for the rest of the meal. As Harry sullenly walked back to the tower after dinner, he found Hermione -Granger beside him. Without any warning, she grabbed his hand, and whispered, "I -couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying. You did the right -thing, you know, refusing to help with that duel. And I'm sorry you're getting -punished for helping Neville." +Granger beside him. Without any warning, she grabbed his hand, and whispered, +"I couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying. You did the +right thing, you know, refusing to help with that duel. And I'm sorry you're +getting punished for helping Neville." Harry looked up at the look of concern and worry in Hermione's face, and found himself thinking, he may have just lost his first best mate, but at least -there's still someone who cares about his feelings. He cracked a tiny smile, and -said, "Thanks." +there's still someone who cares about his feelings. He cracked a tiny smile, +and said, "Thanks." "You're welcome," Hermione returned the smile briefly, before blushing and looking away. Together, they walked back to the tower in silence. @@ -144,32 +144,33 @@ at anything, after all. For all that Harry was angry at Hogwarts, he had still been excited about learning magic, and Hermione was happy to show him how to properly apply himself to his studies. -Hermione was bossy, opinionated, and neurotic. She insisted on making a schedule -for Harry to study by, she reviewed all of his work and found much of it -lacking, and she was aghast at his messy writing and sloppy organization. When -she discovered his notes were not merely incomplete but *nonexistant* she very -nearly seemed to have a heart attack. For Harry, the evening felt like a rushed -review of his entire schooling to date. +Hermione was bossy, opinionated, and neurotic. She insisted on making a +schedule for Harry to study by, she reviewed all of his work and found much of +it lacking, and she was aghast at his messy writing and sloppy organization. +When she discovered his notes were not merely incomplete but *nonexistant* she +seemed to very nearly have a heart attack. For Harry, the evening felt like a +rushed review of his entire schooling to date. Strangely, perhaps, he found himself enjoying it.
Neville returned to the dorm just before lights-out, and Harry took the -opportunity to greet him and return the remembrall. Neville was greatly thankful -and apologetic when he heard about Harry's punishment, which Harry quickly -brushed off, saying he didn't regret doing the right thing for a friend. +opportunity to greet him and return the remembrall. Neville was greatly +thankful and apologetic when he heard about Harry's punishment, which Harry +quickly brushed off, saying he didn't regret doing the right thing for a +friend. Seeing Ron still boasting in the corner with Seamus, Harry invited Neville and Hermione to sit with him at breakfast the next morning. After some earnest smiles and nods of agreement, the three students each retreated to their respective beds for sleep. -Of course, Ron and Seamus got caught out after curfew. Harry was rudely awakened -sometime after midnight by the two boys being marched back into the dorm. -Bleary-eyed and tired, he barely had time to recognize the two before Ron let -into him, "This is all your fault! We lost 50 points each and got detention -because you abandoned me! Some friend you are!" +Of course, Ron and Seamus got caught out after curfew. Harry was rudely +awakened sometime after midnight by the two boys being marched back into the +dorm. Bleary-eyed and tired, he barely had time to recognize the two before +Ron let into him, "This is all your fault! We lost 50 points each and got +detention because you abandoned me! Some friend you are!" "Ron, I told you what would happen. It's not my fault you didn't listen." @@ -185,32 +186,33 @@ Sorry about Ron," and heading to his own bed.
At breakfast, Ron was sitting as far away from Harry as possible, occasionally -sending angry scowls down the table. Harry, Hermione, and Neville spent the meal -talking and doing some last-minute review for potions class, blithely ignoring -the angry redhead. +sending angry scowls down the table. Harry, Hermione, and Neville spent the +meal talking and doing some last-minute review for potions class, blithely +ignoring the angry redhead. > There's this idea I have: Harry has no idea about anything in the Wizarding -> world, yeah? So, first year, beginning of the year, he's in broom flying class -> and does something that he *knows* is going to get him punished, and then -> McGonagall drags him off, and makes him seeker. *Obviously,* this is his -> punishment. Instead of being exciting, he dreads it, and tries to hide it, and -> just generally resents the whole thing. He's intentionally terrible, it ruins -> his friendship with Ron, and reshapes his whole Hogwarts experience... +> world, yeah? So, first year, beginning of the year, he's in broom flying +> class and does something that he *knows* is going to get him punished, and +> then McGonagall drags him off, and makes him seeker. *Obviously,* this is +> his punishment. Instead of being exciting, he dreads it, and tries to hide +> it, and just generally resents the whole thing. He's intentionally terrible, +> it ruins his friendship with Ron, and reshapes his whole Hogwarts +> experience... > > In large part, the setup for this needs Harry to be so self-absorbed in his > anger that he doesn't really follow the content of the conversation between -> McGonagall and Wood. So he never realizes that she's *complimenting* him, and -> instead constructs a narrative in his mind of mockery and punishment. Once the -> resentment sets in, I think the progression is obvious; Harry starts to -> restrain himself from acting out because he's being punished, which prevents -> him from rising to Malfoy's taunts, which isolates him from Ron and endears -> him to Hermione. +> McGonagall and Wood. So he never realizes that she's *complimenting* him, +> and instead constructs a narrative in his mind of mockery and punishment. +> Once the resentment sets in, I think the progression is obvious; Harry +> starts to restrain himself from acting out because he's being punished, +> which prevents him from rising to Malfoy's taunts, which isolates him from +> Ron and endears him to Hermione. > Right now it seems like this is a oneshot, but I suppose it might turn into a > genuine novella if it's turning out interesting. -> There's some dialog lifted directly from *Sorcerer's Stone*, as I'm trying to -> mirror scenes that appear in canon. Hopefully there's enough original content -> that it doesn't read as plagiarism. +> There's some dialog lifted directly from *Philosopher's Stone*, as I'm +> trying to mirror scenes that appear in canon. Hopefully there's enough +> original content that it doesn't read as plagiarism. -- cgit v1.2.3