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authorJulian Blake Kongslie2013-07-30 22:26:40 -0700
committerJulian Blake Kongslie2013-07-30 22:26:40 -0700
commitff631b9515ccf77dff804e0dcd519efc93eae040 (patch)
tree2dd7b7eb77e2c0ff2fea94cdf04430898324c9ba
parentStarting a new piece, Try Again. (diff)
downloadwriting-ff631b9515ccf77dff804e0dcd519efc93eae040.tar.xz
Reflowing text, and minor editing.
-rw-r--r--oneshots/punishment.mdwn102
1 files changed, 52 insertions, 50 deletions
diff --git a/oneshots/punishment.mdwn b/oneshots/punishment.mdwn
index 32f0387..0e48c8c 100644
--- a/oneshots/punishment.mdwn
+++ b/oneshots/punishment.mdwn
@@ -10,9 +10,9 @@ And of course he'd gotten caught. Now Professor McGonagall was dragging him
10off to who-knows-where and by this time tomorrow he'd be back at the Dursley's. 10off to who-knows-where and by this time tomorrow he'd be back at the Dursley's.
11 11
12All of a sudden, the thought occurred to Harry: This isn't fair! He'd been 12All of a sudden, the thought occurred to Harry: This isn't fair! He'd been
13defending a classmate from a bully, and Professor McGonagall hadn't even let him 13defending a classmate from a bully, and Professor McGonagall hadn't even let
14or his housemates defend his actions! Harry made up his mind then and there; 14him or his housemates defend his actions! Harry made up his mind then and
15whatever punishment he was assigned, he would fight. 15there; whatever punishment he was assigned, he would fight.
16 16
17If they kicked him out, then maybe that would be okay. At least living with the 17If they kicked him out, then maybe that would be okay. At least living with the
18Dursleys didn't involve everyone staring at his forehead all the time and 18Dursleys didn't involve everyone staring at his forehead all the time and
@@ -41,8 +41,8 @@ Professor describe (he assumed mockingly) his first attempt at flying.
41 41
42Again his thoughts were interrupted, this time by Wood. After a brief 42Again his thoughts were interrupted, this time by Wood. After a brief
43interrogation -- no, he *obviously* had never heard of Quidditch before -- and 43interrogation -- no, he *obviously* had never heard of Quidditch before -- and
44it appeared a decision was made. Harry was to be a Seeker for Wood on some sport 44it appeared a decision was made. Harry was to be a Seeker for Wood on some
45team, and he was to train hard, or McGonagall would consider additional 45sport team, and he was to train hard, or McGonagall would consider additional
46punishment. 46punishment.
47 47
48An indefinite sentence, at least the whole year, from what he could gather. For 48An indefinite sentence, at least the whole year, from what he could gather. For
@@ -50,9 +50,9 @@ trying to help one of his housemates, the people he was supposed to think of as
50family. Handed down by the head of that same house, with no opportunity for him 50family. Handed down by the head of that same house, with no opportunity for him
51to even defend his actions. 51to even defend his actions.
52 52
53As Professor McGonagall walked away, she said something about how he should make 53As Professor McGonagall walked away, she said something about how he should
54his father proud. Harry didn't listen; he preferred to believe that his father 54make his father proud. Harry didn't listen; he preferred to believe that his
55would've wanted him to defend a classmate and would not have wanted him 55father would've wanted him to defend a classmate and would not have wanted him
56punished. It never even occurred to him that the Professor felt the same way. 56punished. It never even occurred to him that the Professor felt the same way.
57 57
58<hr/> 58<hr/>
@@ -83,8 +83,8 @@ Muggles?"
83 83
84"Ha! That'll teach you to go up against your betters, Potter!" 84"Ha! That'll teach you to go up against your betters, Potter!"
85 85
86Ron, his face red with anger, jumped up from his seat and yelled, "Well at least 86Ron, his face red with anger, jumped up from his seat and yelled, "Well at
87Gryffindors aren't too cowardly to fight our own battles!" 87least Gryffindors aren't too cowardly to fight our own battles!"
88 88
89"I'd take you on anytime on my own. Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel, 89"I'd take you on anytime on my own. Tonight, if you want. Wizard's duel,
90midnight, in the trophy room. Who's your second, Weasley?" 90midnight, in the trophy room. Who's your second, Weasley?"
@@ -106,22 +106,22 @@ Malfoy glanced briefly at Crabbe and Goyle, then decided, "Crabbe," and walked
106back to his table. After Malfoy and his cronies had left, Ron just stared at 106back to his table. After Malfoy and his cronies had left, Ron just stared at
107Harry across the table. 107Harry across the table.
108 108
109"I'm sorry Ron, but I really can't afford to get in any more trouble, especially 109"I'm sorry Ron, but I really can't afford to get in any more trouble,
110not tonight." 110especially not tonight."
111 111
112"Hmph. Some best mate you are." With that remark, Ron directed his gaze down to 112"Hmph. Some best mate you are." With that remark, Ron directed his gaze down to
113his food, and refused to look up again for the rest of the meal. 113his food, and refused to look up again for the rest of the meal.
114 114
115As Harry sullenly walked back to the tower after dinner, he found Hermione 115As Harry sullenly walked back to the tower after dinner, he found Hermione
116Granger beside him. Without any warning, she grabbed his hand, and whispered, "I 116Granger beside him. Without any warning, she grabbed his hand, and whispered,
117couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying. You did the right 117"I couldn't help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying. You did the
118thing, you know, refusing to help with that duel. And I'm sorry you're getting 118right thing, you know, refusing to help with that duel. And I'm sorry you're
119punished for helping Neville." 119getting punished for helping Neville."
120 120
121Harry looked up at the look of concern and worry in Hermione's face, and found 121Harry looked up at the look of concern and worry in Hermione's face, and found
122himself thinking, he may have just lost his first best mate, but at least 122himself thinking, he may have just lost his first best mate, but at least
123there's still someone who cares about his feelings. He cracked a tiny smile, and 123there's still someone who cares about his feelings. He cracked a tiny smile,
124said, "Thanks." 124and said, "Thanks."
125 125
126"You're welcome," Hermione returned the smile briefly, before blushing and 126"You're welcome," Hermione returned the smile briefly, before blushing and
127looking away. Together, they walked back to the tower in silence. 127looking away. Together, they walked back to the tower in silence.
@@ -144,32 +144,33 @@ at anything, after all. For all that Harry was angry at Hogwarts, he had still
144been excited about learning magic, and Hermione was happy to show him how to 144been excited about learning magic, and Hermione was happy to show him how to
145properly apply himself to his studies. 145properly apply himself to his studies.
146 146
147Hermione was bossy, opinionated, and neurotic. She insisted on making a schedule 147Hermione was bossy, opinionated, and neurotic. She insisted on making a
148for Harry to study by, she reviewed all of his work and found much of it 148schedule for Harry to study by, she reviewed all of his work and found much of
149lacking, and she was aghast at his messy writing and sloppy organization. When 149it lacking, and she was aghast at his messy writing and sloppy organization.
150she discovered his notes were not merely incomplete but *nonexistant* she very 150When she discovered his notes were not merely incomplete but *nonexistant* she
151nearly seemed to have a heart attack. For Harry, the evening felt like a rushed 151seemed to very nearly have a heart attack. For Harry, the evening felt like a
152review of his entire schooling to date. 152rushed review of his entire schooling to date.
153 153
154Strangely, perhaps, he found himself enjoying it. 154Strangely, perhaps, he found himself enjoying it.
155 155
156<hr/> 156<hr/>
157 157
158Neville returned to the dorm just before lights-out, and Harry took the 158Neville returned to the dorm just before lights-out, and Harry took the
159opportunity to greet him and return the remembrall. Neville was greatly thankful 159opportunity to greet him and return the remembrall. Neville was greatly
160and apologetic when he heard about Harry's punishment, which Harry quickly 160thankful and apologetic when he heard about Harry's punishment, which Harry
161brushed off, saying he didn't regret doing the right thing for a friend. 161quickly brushed off, saying he didn't regret doing the right thing for a
162friend.
162 163
163Seeing Ron still boasting in the corner with Seamus, Harry invited Neville and 164Seeing Ron still boasting in the corner with Seamus, Harry invited Neville and
164Hermione to sit with him at breakfast the next morning. After some earnest 165Hermione to sit with him at breakfast the next morning. After some earnest
165smiles and nods of agreement, the three students each retreated to their 166smiles and nods of agreement, the three students each retreated to their
166respective beds for sleep. 167respective beds for sleep.
167 168
168Of course, Ron and Seamus got caught out after curfew. Harry was rudely awakened 169Of course, Ron and Seamus got caught out after curfew. Harry was rudely
169sometime after midnight by the two boys being marched back into the dorm. 170awakened sometime after midnight by the two boys being marched back into the
170Bleary-eyed and tired, he barely had time to recognize the two before Ron let 171dorm. Bleary-eyed and tired, he barely had time to recognize the two before
171into him, "This is all your fault! We lost 50 points each and got detention 172Ron let into him, "This is all your fault! We lost 50 points each and got
172because you abandoned me! Some friend you are!" 173detention because you abandoned me! Some friend you are!"
173 174
174"Ron, I told you what would happen. It's not my fault you didn't listen." 175"Ron, I told you what would happen. It's not my fault you didn't listen."
175 176
@@ -185,32 +186,33 @@ Sorry about Ron," and heading to his own bed.
185<hr/> 186<hr/>
186 187
187At breakfast, Ron was sitting as far away from Harry as possible, occasionally 188At breakfast, Ron was sitting as far away from Harry as possible, occasionally
188sending angry scowls down the table. Harry, Hermione, and Neville spent the meal 189sending angry scowls down the table. Harry, Hermione, and Neville spent the
189talking and doing some last-minute review for potions class, blithely ignoring 190meal talking and doing some last-minute review for potions class, blithely
190the angry redhead. 191ignoring the angry redhead.
191 192
192 193
193 194
194> There's this idea I have: Harry has no idea about anything in the Wizarding 195> There's this idea I have: Harry has no idea about anything in the Wizarding
195> world, yeah? So, first year, beginning of the year, he's in broom flying class 196> world, yeah? So, first year, beginning of the year, he's in broom flying
196> and does something that he *knows* is going to get him punished, and then 197> class and does something that he *knows* is going to get him punished, and
197> McGonagall drags him off, and makes him seeker. *Obviously,* this is his 198> then McGonagall drags him off, and makes him seeker. *Obviously,* this is
198> punishment. Instead of being exciting, he dreads it, and tries to hide it, and 199> his punishment. Instead of being exciting, he dreads it, and tries to hide
199> just generally resents the whole thing. He's intentionally terrible, it ruins 200> it, and just generally resents the whole thing. He's intentionally terrible,
200> his friendship with Ron, and reshapes his whole Hogwarts experience... 201> it ruins his friendship with Ron, and reshapes his whole Hogwarts
202> experience...
201> 203>
202> In large part, the setup for this needs Harry to be so self-absorbed in his 204> In large part, the setup for this needs Harry to be so self-absorbed in his
203> anger that he doesn't really follow the content of the conversation between 205> anger that he doesn't really follow the content of the conversation between
204> McGonagall and Wood. So he never realizes that she's *complimenting* him, and 206> McGonagall and Wood. So he never realizes that she's *complimenting* him,
205> instead constructs a narrative in his mind of mockery and punishment. Once the 207> and instead constructs a narrative in his mind of mockery and punishment.
206> resentment sets in, I think the progression is obvious; Harry starts to 208> Once the resentment sets in, I think the progression is obvious; Harry
207> restrain himself from acting out because he's being punished, which prevents 209> starts to restrain himself from acting out because he's being punished,
208> him from rising to Malfoy's taunts, which isolates him from Ron and endears 210> which prevents him from rising to Malfoy's taunts, which isolates him from
209> him to Hermione. 211> Ron and endears him to Hermione.
210 212
211> Right now it seems like this is a oneshot, but I suppose it might turn into a 213> Right now it seems like this is a oneshot, but I suppose it might turn into a
212> genuine novella if it's turning out interesting. 214> genuine novella if it's turning out interesting.
213 215
214> There's some dialog lifted directly from *Sorcerer's Stone*, as I'm trying to 216> There's some dialog lifted directly from *Philosopher's Stone*, as I'm
215> mirror scenes that appear in canon. Hopefully there's enough original content 217> trying to mirror scenes that appear in canon. Hopefully there's enough
216> that it doesn't read as plagiarism. 218> original content that it doesn't read as plagiarism.